Christwire’s hilarious review of V/H/S
(Mark E. Figs is a licensed therapist and marriage counselor, serving the greater Chicagoland area for over twenty years. He has over forty years of movie-watching experience and wrote several episodes of “VeggieTales” and “Bible Man.”)
V/H/S — Gore Pornography That Will Rot Your Soul
There is a new horror film out that is hip with the sinful teenage lot and it’s capable of converting thousands to serial murderers. The film in question?
V/H/S which is an acronym for “Violent Horrible Stuff.” And it lives up to its name with buckets of blood and violent murders interspersed with graphic imagery of Satanism, drug use, lesbianism, alcoholism and sexual rape — just to name a few.
The film is a co-creation of several, wretched filmmakers who seek to corrupt our youth and the filth-peddling website Bloody-Disgusting. And to call it a traditional film is misleading; rather it is an anthology of several films that seek to promote a blood lust of frenzied Satan worship.
I began watching this film with high hopes that it would be full of classic shocks and scares, similar to “The Creature From The Black Lagoon” and “King Kong.” This film disappointed me to no end. It begins with a motley crew of Satan-worshiping teens committing gang molestation in a parking garage on a young, Christian couple. They subdue her boyfriend and then expose her chest genitals to the camera, making for a uncomfortable viewing experience. Some have called this the “Citizen Kane” of rape scenes and that makes me vomit.
That scene was uncomfortable to watch for me, because I know how traumatizing gang molestation is. Several years ago, I was attacked by a group of men after giving a speech at a Bible conference. They cornered me in a parking garage and swarmed me; they removed my pants and fondled my genitals, groping me in several of my “pleasure zones” including but not limited t0 — my buttocks, my perineum, my anus and my Raphe lines. This event scarred me and made me into the anti-gayhomosexual crusader I am today.
After this scene, the group of sexual deviants and possible homosexuals are seen breaking into an old (possibly gay) man’s house in order to retrieve a videotape. The situation is framed to give the impression that the tape they are retrieving contains hours upon hours of gay sex among criminals. Nevertheless, these men break into the house, and find a dead man seated in front of a wall of TVs, the man obviously having succumbed to the AIDS virus. As the group of burglars split up to search the house, one man sits in front of the TV and watches a video tape. The different films in order are –
“Emily’s Birth Defects”
All of these films are horrifying and feature gratuitous violence and bloodshed. ”Satan’s Slut” features rape, illegal immigration and Satanic violence. “Lesbian Lust” features a man attempting to sex tape his girlfriend, who then murders him in order to taste the forbidden nectar of the “vulva.” The crudely named “F**k Forest” features a camping trip with two men and two females — a disaster waiting to happen. When they arrive to the forest, they smoke marijuana cigarettes, talk about explicit sexual acts and eventually perish at the hands of a digital killer who’s red-clothed clad face is indicative of AIDS Awareness and thus advocates for homosexuality. ”Emily’s Birth Defects” is a twisted celebration of abortion the dangers of Social Media networks and features an intense and gory scene that features a full-term abortion being met with celebration and praise. The pregnancy occurs because of Emily’s fondness to use the “Skype” in order to sexually pleasure herself. “Halloween Horror” is a film that features paranormal witchcraft and Satanism all while mocking God in an attempt to destroy Christianity and reduce it to nothing more than effortless “babbling” in the face of evil. Four men enter a house and stop an exorcism before succumbing to the very same person they saved.
Throughout the viewings of these Devil-worshiping instructional manuals, we see eerie occurrences – the old man disappears several times, two of the criminals spot a giant drag queen in the basement and every viewer of the videotapes disappears until one man is left. This man is then chased by the AIDS-infested old man who eventually begins to rip his flesh in a passionate, gay frenzy.
Conclusion: I give V/H/S 0 out of 4 stars. It is a pornographic celebration of blood and violence and a celebration of Satan’s nefarious ways. This film should be banned from theaters and the producers and writers should be jailed and charged with the harshest of penalties. V/H/S will lead to copycat murders and emulation of the vile acts contained therein. V/H/S is nothing more than Satan’s bidding, in cinema-form. There’s no merit or any artistic redeeming qualities in this film. Keep your family away from this film and unplug your television so you will not be bombarded by advertisements for this. If you or a loved one unfortunately views this film, you should contact your local pastor, or email me right away at