Piranha 3DD
Directed by John Gulager (Feast 1-3)
Available from Anchor Bay
Starring Danielle Panabaker, David Hasselhoff and Matt Bush
Reviewer: Horrorphilia Jason

The Lowdown: First half was better than the second, but still overall a fun sequel.

When I first heard John Gulager was taking helm as director I got a little excited. I’m one of the few people it seems that likes Feast 2 and 3, so I was hoping we would get more of that type of zany kinetic directing applied to the movie. I also knew it was a big studio movie so I figured any producer would stop it from going too wild and out there. Even though it felt a little bit reigned in, I still got what I was expecting.

The movie takes place almost a year after the events of the original remake. Lake Victoria has dried up and the piranhas are assumed to be all dead. Marine biology student Maddy is home for the summer and she discovers that her stepdad Chet, has turned the family water park into an adult oriented water park complete with massively big breasted stripper lifeguards and an adult only section complete with a “coochie cam”. In an attempt to illegally save money, Chet has dug an underwater well that leads into an underground aquifer that connects to the underwater lakes that the prehistoric piranha now live in. Throw in some horny teenagers, Clu Gulager and Gary Busey, and finally dozens of people at the water park, and you have a whole slew of food for the hungry piranhas.

The first half of this movie was actually really damn good. Without delving into heavy spoilers, the intro horse scene was weird and awesome, the van scene was cool and gory, and the pussy piranha topped it all off. At this point I was feeling it was at least as good as the previous movie. Then when it got to the Hoff and the water park finale, the movie felt like it was rushed and it was over too quick. It’s almost like they were running out of money and had to just end it. I would have preferred one or two more non water park attacks to help flesh it out.

The star cameos were a mixed bag. Busey didn’t have much to do but had one cool moment. Ving Rhames had two scenes, one I hated, and one was pretty cool. Christopher Lloyd was well, Christopher Lloyd. Finally the bright spot was Mr. David Hosselhoff. You could tell he was really into the movie and had a lot of fun spoofing himself. He was a drunk, a womanizer, and a dick to everyone until his one shining moment. So in other words probably not too far off from real life.

Now some of the complaints I’ve heard was about the lack of nudity and gore. There is a lot of nudity in the film, but it’s mainly front loaded in the film (no pun intended). During the water park finale it would have been cool to see more big bloody tits flopping in the water I agree. Nevertheless there is still plenty of full frontal nudity. I personally thought there was enough gore, but in comparison to the last movie it is lacking. But to be fair, in comparison to the big massacre scene at Lake Victoria, most movies pale in comparison. But there was still a lot of blood, death and bad ass looking eaten bodies that should suffice most gore hounds.

My biggest issue was the length of the movie and the finale. While there was some wacky moments like the awesome last 10 seconds of the film, I felt the ending was too much by the numbers and not enough bad ass moments. It lacked some creative kills and other gore moments to put it over the top. Also David Koechner was awesome as usual, but we needed much more from him. He was a scuzzbucket and you wanted his character to die, but I wanted to hate his character and be invested in him like Jerry O’Connell from the last film. He had a gruesome death but not as satisfying as I was hoping for.

Let’s go over the special features:

• 3D & 2D versions of the film.
• Audio Commentary: A  track with director John Gulager and co-writer Marcus Dunstan. Didn’t listen to it yet but I’m sure it has to be the strongest special feature.
• Deleted Scenes (HD): Two and a half minutes of scenes that deserved to be deleted
• The Story Behind the DD (HD): A short segment with cast and crew sucking each other off. Lame.
• The Hofftastic World of David Hasselhoff (HD): Not as cool as it could have been.
• Busey’s Bloopers (HD): More proof that Busey really is nuts. Too short.
• Wet and Wild with David Koechner (HD): The movie needed more Koechner and so did the special features.
• A Lesson with John McEnroe – A Dimension Short Film (HD): Nothing to do with the film but kinda cool. McEnroe cussing never gets old.
• DVD Copy
• Digital Copy

All in all I had a good time watching it. Some people are going to absolutely hate it, but I thought it was a satisfactory fun trashy sequel. Some cool gore, big ol fake titties, above average 3D, and some decent comedic moments. I have a feeling over time it will gain fans. Not for everyone, but if you can shut  your brain off, get inebriated, and enjoy the moment then I promise you’ll have a good time. The special features weren’t amazing but the transfer is. The combo pack is relatively cheap and well worth the purchase.

Final Rating: 7/10

Check out some hotties from Piranha 3DD

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